oh, to sit in such contentment this morning as I feed Ruby bits of squished avocado, able to go at exactly the right, slow, spit-out, retry pace, because there is nothing I have to do today. I could go weed the rows in the hoophouse, I could watercolor, I could make a new dye bath out of some of the plants I collected. I could just sit and stare at Ruby as her precious barnacle-ness suctions onto me during her long naps, feeling the sun licking me through the huge windows, glancing out at the pond to see if the water is calmly reflecting the trees or being tossed up into waves by the wind.
Wow. How do I get to be so lucky in life? I feel like such a baby, so young and fresh, a little sprout, and I get to live in such a glamorous home with such talented people, all living in harmony,
where we spout inspiration and encouragement around and around. And I also get to feel like I designed this for myself. Because I did. As I felt the move to this farm in Maine approaching and I got a little bit like “what’s it gonna be like?” I remembered I could create it. I took a huge roll of paper and spread it across a desk, and painted in ink all the best feeling things I wanted this place to be like. I painted “new soul family discoveries” and “my art soars to new heights” and “inspiration” and “kids” and tons of other stuff. I luxuriated in the painting, I went over each of the words in the color that felt right, and I hung it up right next to my bed.
Relaxed exhale–big stretch–happy sigh. Oh this heaven! Dan is cooking eggrolls, and we had such a beautiful conversation about synchronicities and rainbows and feelings earlier. Mackerel actually has clothes on for once as he sits at the kitchen counter watching and questioning what’s around him. Emily is out milking the goat. I hear kid-speed footsteps running down the stairs. The sun is turning orange as she descends behind my head, glowing up this golden kitchen-living room. Jess is washing dishes, and Greg walks in with a watermelon. They’re all agreeing that “Nice At You”, something Mackerel just said, would be a great name for a band.
I’m so grateful to be living in this gorgeous space, on this powerfully beautiful land, where the only thing for me to do is follow my inspiration. I love that my inspiration is hugely about making dyes from the plants I find here. Being super present with Ruby. Tending to the lovely plants that are growing that we will eat and share with others. Noticing the bright green leaves dancing across the trees, a sudden shift after the rainstorm from the lavender-brown bare branches. I am those leaves.
There’s a feeling I get here, like it’s a big blank canvas, where everything is working, healthy and shining…the threads are rich with history and strong with experience. And now I’m here, to have my way with it. To be as gentle and wild and playful as I please. Oh what delight! I’m so grateful for this happy place to be my home, for the easy wild pleasures I find here, for my pace to be so genuine and exactly however it pleases me. I wish this feeling for everyone who wants it. Yes please.