birdsongs n billz

 good morning birdsong wanderer. ecstatic chicken dance. cheese puff buff. amen.

I feel so taken care of by the universe. Like, I’ve always been and always will be in this perfect cradle cushion land. Even when I’m feeling wild and adventurous…it’s always so sweet, and the faerie godmothers show up, and there’s majestic scenery and it’s just like, hot damn! Again? I’m just so lucky! (and lucky on purpose, because I keep wishing for all these things that keep showing up)

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It seems that the path is illuminating towards Maine this summer. Towards Featherfoot Farm where Leaf is already so loved, and welcome, and so we all are so loved, and welcome. We can host kids’ art summer camps and get paid handsomely and play in huge fields and swimming ponds and have a cabin unto ourselves and have tons of lovely visitors.

And there’s so much sweetness to the being paid. I’m boldly declaring that I want to be in my integrity with my student loans, paying them all back, triumphantly ha-ha-ing to the world! Ha-ha! And hand-shaking with the world, making good on an old deal, rubbing smooth the rough edges, realizing it’s candy-covered and gives me super powers!

I remember, last April I was energetically lining up with buying a car. I was doing a fundraiser for the car and my journey in it across the country, and the funds seemed to stall for a bit just under the amount to buy a car. I realized I had some fears around what the car would require…it would mean signing up for my first ever paying-it-myself bill. And I found my willingness in it by saying that I wanted to be capable of paying bills as a mom. I want to be easy and flowful and have financial fluency. I can speak any language: bills, checks, credit, gifts, online, drive-thru, hoobastank, etc. This opened me up to feeling grateful for the opportunity to pay bills, to help me start to be the mama I want to be. Once I let go of fear and held on to gratitude, the money again started flowing in to the fundraiser, and I’ve been having a grand ol’ time paying car insurance, and a phone bill as well.

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And here I am now, next-leveling. Ready to dive in to being debt-free, chug away the student loan train. Cutting loose the sandbags on my hot air balloon. Whee! I’m so very proud of myself for feeling ready for this. I’m so excited. I want to send in checks with little heart stickers and butterfly temporary tattoos. I want to be as silly and playful as I am with the bestest of things. I want to feel as cute and snuggly as Santa Clawdette, the kitten, sleeping on baby Ruby’s face. Holy fuck. I want everything to feel that cute.

I see a gorgeous parallel between Ruby and myself going on. Ruby is actually and totally able to stand up now! She has the strength in her legs to fully support her weight…she just needs someone’s hands on either side of her because the whole balance thing is still forming.

I’m ready to support my weight. And my gorgeous community of friends and loves and kittens and the sky and the mountainscapes and the stars and the bright, bright moon and my writing and my happiness books are the hands on either side of me, keeping me up. I’m quite excited to be learning to balance on my own…balancing that check book right up and good. Glistening, gleaming with pride and abundance.

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There’s also tons of wintertime opportunities bubbling up in this Big Bendy area around my passions of art and community and youth. The dreams are condensing into actual experiences. I’ll tell you more once there’s a bit more cream in the soup ; )

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